Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
