so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
