It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
