Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
