Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
