My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
