I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
