i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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