I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't turn off my feet"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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