barbara walters just said penis...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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