We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
