apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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