when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
