i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
