what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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