in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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