U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
