he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
