their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
