yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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