The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
