Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
