I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
