Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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