sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
