after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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