i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
