May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
