So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
