I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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