you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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