Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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