Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
