Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
