Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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