last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
