I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
