We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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