That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
