he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
