I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
