you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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