I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
