Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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