so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
