Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
