Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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