franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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