wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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