His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
