so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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