i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
