2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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