Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
