I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
