I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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